VERNA LAM

The squeezing of fingers, peeling dry skin off lips, pressing incessantly with self-terminating embarrassment.  Not understanding conversations, but engrossed in a chaotic mind of words, like "shit", "damn", "should kill myself", always with an idiotic smile, that cringes even more.  Stop the freight to gag and spit.  Acid of shame churned in the gut pushing the throat.  From two hours of people and life, comes an inevitable mind-numbing bearing of routinic doings.  Say "thank you" to everyone so sincerely like they are your final words to humanity.  All the while, the only thing of focus is: someone, out of sight, is always watching you.